i kinda felt lost the whole time reading your post... lol
From what i gather from reading it, it does seem like were flirting with life/death when it comes to our reefs. Many people jump into it without knowing certain things that in the end kill off living creatures.
There are always basic husbandry things that should always be followed. Water changes are at the top not only do you export nutrients but your also adding necessary nutrients back into the water. There are occasions people go without water changes for many many months and still are successful, but to the newb/beginner is a practice that should be followed until you understand what goes into a reef and feel like you can handle the burden.
You also have to understand there will always be unforeseeable things that can happen. For instance i have a RO/DI unit that supplies my water, well without a TDS meter it was hard to tell when the filters were close to getting bad, and in the end i let them get really bad which caused things to go crazy in my tank. Lost a few coral and growth.
I only touched on a few examples but i can give you this:
-Water changes, 10-15% total water volume i'd say max every 3 weeks, which is pushin it. wanna shoot for around 2, bigger bioload means more frequent water changes.
-Other than water changes how do you plan to export nutrients? Skimmer? Fuge
? Is your skimmer big enough for your tank?
-When buying a fish, do you know what it takes to keep it thriving? are you buying a fish that will most likely die? is your tank big enough?
if this isn't anything what your looking for, than i have no idea what your asking lol