I have a basement, and also well water. I will be making water in the basement.
There is much more presure on the well pump, directly from the pump, before the preasure regulator than there is on the side after the regulator, prefilter and/or water softener.
Could I install the ro system before the regulator on the well pump without hurting my well? Does it mater what side I put it on as far as well safety in mind?
I would prefer to hook into the plumbing before the presure regulator, and make water a bit faster on the higher presure side, if theres no reasons not to.
You always want to use softened water to feed a RO or RO/DI. The minimum pressure needed is around 40 psi but as you already know, the higher the pressure the higher the GPD it will produce but more importantly the higher the rejection rate or removal efficiency will be. You are kind of stuck here since you have a pressure regulator on the softened water side but if your water is very hard I would still opt for the lower pressure as long as it is higher than 40 psi. Better water quality and membrane life is always better than faster production since you can make water 24/7 and fill a Brute or tank unattended.
Does distance from your source well water make a diffence in water presure? I was thinking to plumb the filter in the fish room, which is about 40 ft from the well pump, instead of in the utility area of my basement which is very close to the softener/water heater/well pump/source.
A short distance on the raw water side isn't a huge factor unless you are going quite a ways horizontally or up several floors vertically. If you think it may cause a pressure drop due to friction loss or headloss in the tubing you can always step up from the 1/4" tubing to 3/8". Tubing is cheap and the increase in inside diameter will really cut down on headloss meaning the membrane will perform better.
If you must run a long waste line be sure to check your final waste ratio once everything is in place then adjust the waste with a capillary tube type flow restrictor you can trim with a razor blade to adjust the flow.
You may want to consider a booster pump on the RO system to get into the ideal pressure range so that you minimize water consumption. This may be less of a savings on a well system.
Assuming you have a septic tank (given that you have a well), I would plumb the waste line to the sump pump (flood drain) and avoid running all that reject water through your septic system since it isn't "sewage". (This is coming from a guy that just spent $9000 replacing his drain field...although not due to any RO system, its enough to make you think about what you put down the drain.)